I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
