I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
