Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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