we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
