I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
