where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i now understand why vodka
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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