Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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