we have pet lesbian snakes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize