ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
