I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
