lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
