Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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