I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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