Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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