Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
