Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she peed on how many people?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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