dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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