I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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