ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
