i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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