If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
