Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
