Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
