i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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