ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
