Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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