I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
