I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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