just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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