I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
