i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
