her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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