why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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