i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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