my mouth tastes like poor choices
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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