4 words: hood of his car
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want her autograph on my taint
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
