Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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