I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
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i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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