When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
