so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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