The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
