i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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