I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize