we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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