If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
