Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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