she looked like the before picture.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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