I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
