I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
