You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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