She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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