We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
