Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
