Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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