you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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