Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
