this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
