You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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