Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
