Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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