at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
