Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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